Hell, Yeah...We Survived 6/6/06...Or Did We?

While all roads, eventually, must lead to Hell, it seems that humanity managed to escape our collectively imagined fates on Tuesday as 6/6/06 passed with nary a whimper from Megiddo, the Anti-Christ, or even Marilyn Manson. Hell, Michigan, a tiny hamlet less than 60 miles west of Detroit, is usually home to approximately 70 souls of the darned. Yet, on Tuesday, according to Yahoo! News, Hell, had one Hell of a quiet day:

Thousands packed the ominously named small town in Michigan to turn the 6/6/6 day -- symbolic of Satan and other devilish matters -- into a party. They jammed the town's only bar, the Dam Site Inn, spilling out onto the street. But there was no sign of apocalypse. "You've got to have faith," said Faith Dzwigalski, 50, who spent the previous night writing 66 letters to friends around the globe so she could mail them from Hell. "I did it for the postmark," the Woodhaven, Michigan resident said. "I told everyone, You've better change your ways or you'll wind up here in Hell!" Asked if he thought the world might end, 41-year-old Vince Timlin said: "Im betting against it. I came because I knew the freaks would be here." 1

Um, yeah. There's a quotation for Hell's Chamber of Commerce to feature on all their public relations material.

Dozens of "normal" folk came to Hell from all over to stand in line to buy plastic "stick-on" devil's horns and "666" t-shirts. "We can't even keep those in stock," said Chad Wines, an employee at Screams Ice Cream, working to keep up with demand for souvenirs and ice cream on what proved to be a hot day in Hell."2

Hollyweird even hosted a dark mass to mark the day. The mass was the creation of the creator of modern Satanism, Anton Szandar La Vey. The mass, which was, not surprisingly, sold-out, also commemorated the founding in 1966 of The Church of Satan. Lavey was nicknamed the "black pope" of Satanism by the media. According to the Church of Satan Website:

"Satanists from around the globe are converging on that city-of-the-damned known in common parlance as Los Angeles," the group said on its website.

The mass, an original three-act dramatic ritual, will be celebrated in a theatre with a telephone prefix of 666 by Bryan Moore and Heather Saenz, married suburbanite Satanic priests and parents.

But Satanists say they actually have no regard for the number. "For Satanists, numbers are just numbers, and June 6, 2006 is a day like any other," says Satanic High Priest Peter Gilmore. Some believers though have tried to time childbirth with the date, and some of the superstitious have attempted to delay deliveries to avoid it, according to Gilmore's comments posted on the church website.3

Okay, then. In fact, Christians who have actually READ the Bible know that the KJV makes no mention of 666, the number (or 616, even) as a date to be feared.7 Las Vegas had the right attitude. apparently, the odds of 6/6/06 being the apocalypse were 100,000-to-1. Of course, then there's the little problem of being able to collect your winnings.6

Signs of DOOM

However, don't think the dark forces weren't at work Tuesday. " Michigan lottery officials reported that a disproportionate number of players bet on 666." Additionally, "33-year-old Michelle Driscroll, 33, of Howell, Mich., was shocked by her lunch tab. It came to 6.66 dollars. "It freaked me out," she said." 1

Vandals targeted the Trinity Lutheran in Minden, Nevada. They apparently left Satanic messages and vulgarities.4 I would hate to see what they would write on "Mother's Day." A Yonkers seminary was also vandalized.5

A Texas baby and a Tenessee baby were born weighing exactly 6.66 pounds.6 I hope they checked the children for a prehensile tail or signs of horns.

According to CTV, some of the signs of evil are in the form of marketing: "... on this day of the beast. Popular Christian writers Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins, chose to release their new book The Rapture on June 6. The pair are signing the book at 6 p.m. on 6/6/06 in Littleton, Colorado. Some Christian book stores have even agreed to sell other paperbacks by the authors for ... $6.66."8

Christian Protesters also came to Hell in force. I'm not sure why. I suppose they failed to see the irony in the fact that their "Christian" dollars were happily accepted to support Hell's burgeoning economy as they stood on the street corners screaming their message of religious and entertainment intolerance.

They could have just chilled out and taken the short, 300 mile drive, north to "Paradise," a town in the Upper Penninsula of Michigan.

Oh, by the way, if you found yourself paralyzed with fear last Tuesday, you were suffering from: "hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia." I'm sure there's a pill for it. And if you just miss the fun of sitting on the edge of your seat awaiting the end of the world, drink John Nelson Darby's Kool-Aid and head to: "Rapture Ready!" Just leave your extra car keys with me.